2

 

While Janet is trying to sound like a completely different type of girl over at the Alexandra Park Jobcentre, the robbin' witch who didn't actually rob nothing is hammering on Janet's door, shouting through the letterbox and stamping her feet. Samantha is so worked up that her speech is virtually unintelligible, but she seems to be saying something about her car keys.

Back in the Jobcentre Janet is possibly performing a little too well. It is the nice, big, black man with the manicured fingernails and snatched-back, detachable dreadlocks who has been appointed to deal with Janet's restart. Thankfully, he is not thinking about stopping Janet's benefit because she is a useless, worthless, good-for-nothing, jumped-up slag but even so, Janet cannot help wondering why his desk computer is switched off. What exactly is he thinking about?

*

On the other side of the unplugged desk drone, Harry is thinking about Janet's vagina. He is trying to picture it near his big, black lips - right there on his desk - in front of all those drooling dolies. She is gagging for it: Harry can tell. She'll be dripping all the way home by the time he's finished (Harry knows he has scored) and when she meets him after work they can go for a meal in her father's restaurant. Yes, Janet is definitely performing rather too well.

*

'What shall I tell him ?' Janet panics.

'Tell him you're a whore,' returns Sam, failing to see the problem.

'I can't tell him that. He'll stop me dole. And what am I going to do about this rest-you-rant shite ? Me friggin' dad's dead. I wish I hadn't given him me mobile n...'

Purr purr. Purr purr. Purr purr.

'Hello... ...Seven o'clock um... ...yeh fine... Where ? You've got to be joking, I'm not that sort of girl ! ...You what ?... Go an' sling yer 'ook... ...I said bog off you big black puff... ...And you. Be careful you don't get shot, won't you ?'

Prrrrrrrrrrrrr.

'Fucking arsehole. Wants me to lick... Wants me to meet him in that new theme bar off Cheetham Hill Road. I mean would you go to a place like that on a first date ?'

'You'd be surprised if I told you some of the places I've been. (Picking up her keys) See yo'.

*

Two weeks later. A churchyard in Mossside. Harry will not be giving any more restart interviews.

*